A Hiccup

“Would you date someone who is smart but achieved nothing in life?” Last week I came across this question on the online dating site. Immediately my heart sank and I felt embarrassed as though I was recalling a bad childhood memory. The word achievement runs in the same family as the word success in my vocabulary. The past couple of years I have had to redefine my idea of success. With the loss of almost all of my material belongings and at one point the loss of vision, from a broken pair of eyeglasses, life has challenged me to seek the beauty of life beyond material means.

When I was 18 I moved out of my parent’s house adamant that I would never return. I was determined to succeed in life. Unfortunately, work in my field started to become more and more scarce. Although it wasn’t a good career move I took a day job managing a chocolate store in order to pay the bills my contract work couldn’t pay anymore. Soon thereafter the store went under and so did my day job. More than ten years after I left home I found myself asking my parents if I could return. Soon after I moved back home my Aunt and Uncle invited me to move up to northern California and live with them. A little over a year ago I moved up to northern California to seek work but since then I have found much more than that.


When I realized I would be moving, into a bedroom, I began selling my beloved mid century modern furniture including my beautiful working vintage record player and designer shower curtain. I felt as though I was giving away my twenties and a part of who I was as a person. My idea of success resided in my belongings. Living with my Aunt and Uncle has been wonderful. I am so thankful for my Aunt and her ever encouraging words of wisdom. Since my arrival she has confidently pushed me to find that success is not in what I do but who I am.


Who am I? Well, I am a woman who has had a little shake up in life. I have a huge heart and I am keenly aware of the emotional needs of those around me. I am a nice person who is learning to be a good person. I am a late bloomer who is currently finding my voice. I am inspired to find the goodness, truth and beauty in life. I find pleasure in the simple things of life like the humor of a 5 year old, hymns and warm breezes.


My good friend Stephanie has been an inspiration to me. Unknowingly to her, her brutal honesty in humor has helped me let go of many stored up embarrassing moments. The simple cure is sharing the memory out loud to a willing listener. This past year I have let go of a basket full of harbored memories. I have found myself laughing whole heartily at a memory that was once painful. So, like any embarrassing childhood memory there is a cure. Yesterday while with friends I shared my embarrassment on the idea of success. I asked my friends if they thought I was ready to date even though I did not live alone anymore.  They reminded me to not be so hard on myself and that there are people out there that view achievement not only by material means but in relationships with family friends and the community. My quick interpretation of this silly dating site question was merely a hiccup on my journey to happiness and contentment.